Joined: 31 Mar 2007 Posts: 3908 Location: With some Angry Birds & green piggies, 熊ちゃん, & J-YU Country:
Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 3:08 am Post subject:
Kijinnmaru wrote:
Stop trying to find a soulmate and just enjoy the company. If something develops from there, then start thinking about making it last.
I agree with everything you wrote, but this part especially. Right now, I am really enjoying the company of someone right now. I'm not sure what kind of potential this relationship has, but I'm going to keep on visitng him because I have too much fun with him. I think he seems to like my company as well... _________________
I'm going to disagree with you. Mainly because you're talking about very different things here but assuming they are the same.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with falling in love, or wanting to be in love. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to find a "soulmate" (whatever that is) or wanting to share a life with someone you absolutely adore.
OF COURSE there is no such thing as a Happy Ending, but there definitely is a Happily Forever After. OF COURSE relationships are built on compromise, on a give-and-take basis, but also on arguments and disagreements that, if resolved, will only make the relationship stronger.
Being in love, or loving someone, doesn't mean you're living a fairy-tale life. But it's not just fairy-tale romances that make it.
I think Love is very important in ones life, but I'm not foolish enough to believe that love applies only to the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
One of the major reasons (though definitely not the only) why people can't maintain a relationship is because they are too weak themselves (lack of confidence), or because they are too selfish to give to another. At times I'm both. At times I'm neither. But either way, I will not consider a LIFE LONG relationship without mutual affection/love and understanding. In the meantime, sure, tread the water, quench the sexual thirsts, do whatever.
But quite frankly, that's not good enough for me. _________________
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Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 5:44 am Post subject:
I guess that above post was directed towards me.
Believe me, I agree with a lot of what you said, but I'm not really happy about the following statement if it was directed towards me:
Wynter wrote:
But either way, I will not consider a LIFE LONG relationship without mutual affection/love and understanding. In the meantime, sure, tread the water, quench the sexual thirsts, do whatever.
But quite frankly, that's not good enough for me.
Despite your implying that this is that this is only a sexual thing or just having fun with a random someone, I think it's more special than that, regardless of how I portrayed it in the past. I only portrayed it like being a FWB thing because I didn't know how else to categorize it. I mean, he and I ARE friends, but we seem to be more than that at the same time, but with no gf/bf labels. My friend, we do have fun together just hanging out, doing the karaoke thing, going to the movies, having conversations, etc. But in all honesty, I'm happiest when I'm just sitting on his couch and he's giving me a massage or just leaning on him and having his arms around me and just talking about things. We are affectionate with each other and we do care for one another. I'm not sure what will happen in the future, but I'm just going to keep on enjoying my time with him. _________________
Joined: 19 Jun 2006 Posts: 11254 Location: オーストラリア Country:
Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 5:58 am Post subject:
Wynter wrote:
One of the major reasons (though definitely not the only) why people can't maintain a relationship is because they are too weak themselves (lack of confidence), or because they are too selfish to give to another.
Very true and insightful, Wyn-chan. As was all of your post.
I have read somewhere that quite often men go into a relationship thinking or hoping that their partner will never change, and women often go into a relationship thinking or hoping that they can change their man. Both unrealistic, of course.
Believe me, I agree with a lot of what you said, but I'm not really happy about the following statement if it was directed towards me:
Despite your implying that this is that this is only a sexual thing or just having fun with a random someone, I think it's more special than that, regardless of how I portrayed it in the past. I only portrayed it like being a FWB thing because I didn't know how else to categorize it. I mean, he and I ARE friends, but we seem to be more than that at the same time, but with no gf/bf labels. My friend, we do have fun together just hanging out, doing the karaoke thing, going to the movies, having conversations, etc. But in all honesty, I'm happiest when I'm just sitting on his couch and he's giving me a massage or just leaning on him and having his arms around me and just talking about things. We are affectionate with each other and we do care for one another. I'm not sure what will happen in the future, but I'm just going to keep on enjoying my time with him.
Um, Cori, my post wasn't directed at you at all. I think it was totally presumptuous of you to think that and I'm totally disappointed and rather shocked. I thought you knew me better than that. I'm not underhanded. If I wanted to make a comment about you directly, I would have posted directly at you.
Mind you, I do find it interesting that you thought I was commenting on your current relationship, and that you felt you needed to defend yourself. You should have more confidence in yourself. We all have our own thoughts, but no one's out to bash you. Relax. The thought of you hadn't crossed my mind, but after what you wrote, I doubt you'd believe me.
Jeez.
Anime Dad wrote:
Very true and insightful, Wyn-chan. As was all of your post.
I have read somewhere that quite often men go into a relationship thinking or hoping that their partner will never change, and women often go into a relationship thinking or hoping that they can change their man. Both unrealistic, of course.
SO true! I don't understand why people go into relationships thinking they can change their partners. Doesn't that defeat the purpose? Why are you with the person if you don't like who they are as is? _________________
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Joined: 19 Jun 2006 Posts: 11254 Location: オーストラリア Country:
Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:53 am Post subject:
Wynter wrote:
SO true! I don't understand why people go into relationships thinking they can change their partners. Doesn't that defeat the purpose? Why are you with the person if you don't like who they are as is?
I'm sure the person often thinks the other person can be "improved" somehow.
The thing is, people do change: I'm not the person I was when I first got married. But I can see it was for the better But it wasn't (all) because the Mrs wanted me to change, I don't think.
I'm sure the person often thinks the other person can be "improved" somehow.
The thing is, people do change: I'm not the person I was when I first got married. But I can see it was for the better But it wasn't (all) because the Mrs wanted me to change, I don't think.
Yea, I can see that. People grow when with people. I find that's the case with work colleagues, as well. _________________
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Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:59 am Post subject:
It's very difficult to comment on anyone else's relationship, too. Just because what one couple is doing is working (or not working) doesn't mean it will help another couple. Every relationship is different.
It's very difficult to comment on anyone else's relationship, too. Just because what one couple is doing is working (or not working) doesn't mean it will help another couple. Every relationship is different.
Yup, hence why I try not to give out advice. Well, that, and I'm not in a relationship. _________________
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I'm going to just answer your first question even though that's probably not what you're really focusing on.
I think that this is the case for a lot of people I know. Not because of the communication skills, but because it's hard to find the right person to connect with. And even though you find a person that you feel that you can really connect with, it's still all about timing, mutual feelings, etc. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the "single forever" category, but sometimes there comes someone who makes me think otherwise. Relationships are just so confusing. Oops, was that a tangent?
i couldn't agree more, you hit it right on the target.
It is about the timing, and it has to be very mutual, and the chemistry and connection have to be at a good level before anything evolves, otherwise it is "next"....and sometimes we hit a roadblock and there is nothing going on, otherwise a drought.
I think we are single by default, and by doing nothing, we are single, it is easy just to be single, and make no effort, even with some level of effort, it sometimes can be a challenge to re-enter the so-called dating/relationship scene. Some have it easier than others...who are the "others"? _________________
Joined: 31 Mar 2007 Posts: 3908 Location: With some Angry Birds & green piggies, 熊ちゃん, & J-YU Country:
Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 2:03 pm Post subject:
Wyn: Sorry about the confusion. I guess I automatically assumed that it was directed towards me since a lot of people direct their post to the person right above them. I guess I'm just sensitive about the current situation I'm in and misconstrued what you wrote. I apologize for that and for ever thinking that you wrote that about me. Being that we're friends, I feel ashamed. I hope all is cool between us. _________________
Well, hopefully it might help you know which guys to avoid..
Hence why I'm still single.
sadacori wrote:
Wyn: Sorry about the confusion. I guess I automatically assumed that it was directed towards me since a lot of people direct their post to the person right above them. I guess I'm just sensitive about the current situation I'm in and misconstrued what you wrote. I apologize for that and for ever thinking that you wrote that about me. Being that we're friends, I feel ashamed. I hope all is cool between us.
It's no big deal. _________________
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Joined: 25 Mar 2004 Posts: 913 Location: SF Bay Area Country:
Posted: Tue Jul 07, 2009 4:22 am Post subject:
Interesting thoughts, all.
Just saying that it IS different being single at 20 than 50. I've been both.
Coming out of a happy 10-year relationship, I don't feel as comfortable being single as I used to. Call me spoiled, but I miss having a trusted sidekick. I know I was really lucky when I found Toshi, and frankly she was probably lucky when she found me, too.
I think that finding someone who is compatible with you is the first step, that should go without saying. There should be chemistry - which I think means that you respond to each other's pheromones; see if you like the way their hair smells when it's dirty. (On her head!)
You should share some interests, and be willing to acquire some of theirs, and tolerate some of the other ones.
But for the long term (more than a few months!), communication, cooperation and compassion will get you past the "boring" domestic routine. _________________
Joined: 20 Jul 2004 Posts: 11736 Location: USA Country:
Posted: Tue Jul 07, 2009 5:35 am Post subject:
Itazura ichiban wrote:
I
I think that finding someone who is compatible with you is the first step, that should go without saying. There should be chemistry - which I think means that you respond to each other's pheromones; see if you like the way their hair smells when it's dirty. (On her head!)
You should share some interests, and be willing to acquire some of theirs, and tolerate some of the other ones.
But for the long term (more than a few months!), communication, cooperation and compassion will get you past the "boring" domestic routine.
I agree with you about chemistry and interests.
I have found that when the routine is shared with another cooperative person that you are in love it is anything but boring. _________________
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But it wasn't (all) because the Mrs wanted me to change, I don't think. 
I hope all is cool between us.
